Sunday, December 12, 2010

Giving up on love

Dear Shayla,

I just saw your blog and you had very good advice.  you are beautiful and awesome singer.  I have a question.  I dated someone for 9 years, we got married for couple months and broke up.  I gave up on love, after a year, I started dating again, and it still doesnt work out with the new relationship.  I'm 28 and my family rush me to settle down, but I am unable to find anyone suitable.  I just give up on love, no matter how hard I try in the relationship, it just doesnt work out.  The guys I dated and my failed marriage say that we were incompatible, its the same excuse.  is there something wrong with me, why doesnt any of my relationships work? I dont believe in love anymore and is very tired of it.
Thank you.

Dear Jaded,

        Thank you for the compliment. First I want to say that there is NOTHING wrong with you. We have all been in the same shoes you have where we wonder "What the hell is wrong with me?".  "What am I doing wrong?" After reading your post, the message I got loud and clear was that "You gave up on love" and "You don't believe in love" anymore. If you go into a relationship thinking that way, it is doomed to fail because your heart is not open to the other person. It's like you refuse to give it a chance because you already made up your mind about the outcome. You want to find love, but you are not ready because of the dissolution of your marraige. You are having a hard time trusting and giving away your heart again. To make it worse, you are getting pressure from your family to start a family and settle down. If I were you, I would just ignore what your parents want for you.   You have to take the time to see what is it that you want for yourself.  I'm sure after being in a relationship for so long, you lost yourself along the way. This is the time to focus on you. Find hobbies and do things that will make you happy. As time move on, your heart will heal and hopefully you can be open to love again. The important thing to realize is that the men you met in the past were not compatible with you for one reason or another. That's NOT your fault and you shouldn't blame yourself. Just learn from the mistakes that you made. Until then, focus on doing things that make you happy without a man in your life and when you least expect it, that is when love will come and make you believe again.