HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!!

Christmas and New Years is THE best holidays of the year!!! I want to take this time to wish everyone around the world love, joy and laughter. As you get older it seems like 365 days flash before you in a blink of an eye. Some of us used that time wisely, while others waste it creating unnessessary drama for themselves and their families.

Life is short and it does go by fast. There are good days and there are bad. Just appreciate and be grateful for what you have. Your health, family, friends.  THERE ARE SOME NEGATIVE PEOPLE THAT WILL ALWAYS TRY TO BRING YOU DOWN. DON'T LET THEM.  THIS IS YOUR LIFE. YOU ONLY HAVE ONE SO MAKE THE BEST YOU CAN OUT OF IT. HAPPY HOLIDAYS! BE HAPPY!!!!

Dear Shayla

I'm 23 and have my own car and job. I'm an honest person who actually wants a relationship. Yet I've been burned twice this year by two players. I'm so sick and tired of being used. One guy cheated on me and dumped me by text message. The other guy said he wanted a relationship with me, but after we hooked up, he dumped me saying he wasn't ready for a relationship. I've been asked out by other guys, only to find out that they have wives or girlfriends. Why don't guys actually appreciate a genuine woman? Do I have a sign on my back? I'm losing hope of ever meeting someone nice.

Dear Genuine Woman,



         It seems like now adays everywhere you turn there are douchbags and jerks roaming the earth. It doesn't help that shows like Jersey Shore and artist like Kanye West glamorize this new breed. Bad boys are former nice boys who's had their heartbroken by a girl. They learn growing up that to get the girl you have to treat them bad. In a way, it's kind of us girls fault for treating nice boys bad and being attracted to the bad ones. Afterall, the "nice" guys seems so boring compared to the "bad " ones that seems so fun and exciting. What it comes down to is you are probably attracted to these players because you find it a challenge to tame them. You say you want a nice guy, but when one approaches you, do you give them a chance? or do you ignore them? I think us girls want a nice guy who will challenge us because too nice is very annoying.



 Don't lose hope because there are definitely still plenty of great guys out there. Yes, they are hard to find because most are gay and the other is married. Still, it's like a needle in a haystack and you should keep searching til you find a match. The key is to drop the bad boys the minute they show you their true colors instead of waiting around to get hurt. So to answer your question, you do not have a sign on your back. Just pay attention to the type of guys you are attracted to. Don't give up and when you find one, don't let him go because he is a part of a dying breed.

Love at First Sight

Dear Shayla


Is there really such a thing as "love at first sight"? Do you believe in it or is it "attraction at first sight" I think the first has happened to me. How do I know?

Dear Hopeless Romantic,


         When I was young, (I'd say teenage /early twenties) I definitely believed in love at first sight. It was that belief that kept me in relationships longer than I should have been in. As I grew up, I learned that feeling you get when you have chemistry with someone at first sight is NOT love. It is a combination of lust, desire, infatuation, and hormones being released. People throw the word "Love" around and in their hearts of hearts believe that it's real and its true. Though it might FEEL like it's the real deal, the reality is it's the good feeling chemicals like dopamine and serotonin being released in your brain.  I believe that " Love" is something that you must nurture and takes years to grow. Like a seed which is planted that takes time for it to mature. Love works the same way. If you neglect it, it will wilther and die. If you devote time and attention to it then it can grow into something so amazing between two people.
     There are some people who have claim to have met their "soulmate" at first sight, and if you believe in reincarnation then maybe this could be true if you believe in soul recognition. Whatever the case, only time will tell if it's love or attraction. Personally, I think 90% of the time it's NOT love. Just pure attraction. There is the potential for it to be love, but if you are asking about first sight, then I truly I doubt it.

Giving up on love

Dear Shayla,

I just saw your blog and you had very good advice.  you are beautiful and awesome singer.  I have a question.  I dated someone for 9 years, we got married for couple months and broke up.  I gave up on love, after a year, I started dating again, and it still doesnt work out with the new relationship.  I'm 28 and my family rush me to settle down, but I am unable to find anyone suitable.  I just give up on love, no matter how hard I try in the relationship, it just doesnt work out.  The guys I dated and my failed marriage say that we were incompatible, its the same excuse.  is there something wrong with me, why doesnt any of my relationships work? I dont believe in love anymore and is very tired of it.
Thank you.


Dear Jaded,

        Thank you for the compliment. First I want to say that there is NOTHING wrong with you. We have all been in the same shoes you have where we wonder "What the hell is wrong with me?".  "What am I doing wrong?" After reading your post, the message I got loud and clear was that "You gave up on love" and "You don't believe in love" anymore. If you go into a relationship thinking that way, it is doomed to fail because your heart is not open to the other person. It's like you refuse to give it a chance because you already made up your mind about the outcome. You want to find love, but you are not ready because of the dissolution of your marraige. You are having a hard time trusting and giving away your heart again. To make it worse, you are getting pressure from your family to start a family and settle down. If I were you, I would just ignore what your parents want for you.   You have to take the time to see what is it that you want for yourself.  I'm sure after being in a relationship for so long, you lost yourself along the way. This is the time to focus on you. Find hobbies and do things that will make you happy. As time move on, your heart will heal and hopefully you can be open to love again. The important thing to realize is that the men you met in the past were not compatible with you for one reason or another. That's NOT your fault and you shouldn't blame yourself. Just learn from the mistakes that you made. Until then, focus on doing things that make you happy without a man in your life and when you least expect it, that is when love will come and make you believe again.

A Father's Love

A Father’s love I never had

How I wish he would kiss my head

Tell me things will be alright

Hold my hand and be by my side

I block the pain and ignore my thoughts

It all comes back, sadness fills my heart

This wish I know will never come true

Cause I’ve been wishing all my life for you

If you’re a man and you have a child

Hold them tight and make them smile

Take the time to understand

A Father’s love is what makes you a man

-Shayla

I'M CRAZY ABOUT A CELEBRITY

Dear Shayla,


I am a grown man who have the biggest crush on a celebrity friend of yours.  I wake up thinking about her.  I go to sleep thinking about her.  What should I do ?

Dear Obsessed,


         You have to figure out why you are having these feeling towards someone you barely know. Does she remind you of a past love that gotten away? Did she perform a song that melted your heart and you believe she was singing just to you? It could be something as simple as a smile that ignited good memories of the past.
Whatever the case, you have to see that this celebrity ignited something inside of you that makes you feel good. In this celebrity obsessed world, we usually form an opinion of someone may it be love or hate based on what we see and not what is real. These emotions may feel real to you, but your mind does control your heart. The truth is you know nothing about this person and everything you created is inside your head. She represents this dream girl so of course she is perfect. The truth is it's not her you really love, just the idea. There are many celebrities I've met who are just plain horrible evil people. I've seen fans swoon and cry over them, and I think to myself..."Wow! this is a sucky person you are worshipping. If you really knew them, would you still feel the same way?"  So it's okay to admire what they do and appreciate their work, but it's not healthy to be obsessive over it. In this day and age, anybody can be famous just by being on tv. Kardashian, Hilton, Real Housewives of America. Jersey Shore. What talent do these people really have? They are normal people like everybody else and their shit do not smell like roses. We the public are just brainwashed into thinking that it does.

Why do women play hard to get?

Dear Shayla,

       I don't know if there's something wrong with me, but I get extremely angry when a woman is interested in me but she plays hard to get. Why do women do that?
Why can't they just throw themselves at you if they are genuinely interested. It would make life less complicated. Right?  I'm not trying to be judgmental. I just want the truth.


Dear Man Who Wants to Be Chased,

          Call me old fashion, but I think it is nice for a women to recieve chivalry and be courted by a man. It seems to me that men have been so spoiled and want things to come so easy without doing the hard work.
It's true that some girls play games and take advantage of a man, but then again, men do the same thing to women. Women want you to put the effort in getting her. If everything came so easy then you wouldn't appreciate her the way she deserves, then eventually you will treat her badly because you didn't cherish what you have. Yes, life would be easier and less complicated for you if they "threw themselves at you" but eventually you would get bored and the relationship probably wouldn't last.  So don't get angry about it, just do something about it. If you really really like her and want her to be yours, then it is YOUR job to win her heart. Not hers to win yours. If she is one of those girls that are playing games, then just move on until you find the right girl for you. This is what dating is about. To get a feel for who they are and move on if they are not right. When two people who are into each other and it just clicks, there shouldn't be any games. You just know.

I want to be a singer

Dear Shayla,

I am 17 years old, on my last year of high school. A lot of things are going on. The thing is, I always have dreamt that I wanted to be a singer since I was 9, and I haven't stopped dreaming. The problem is that, I have parents who doesn't approve of me being involved with music. The last time I asked if I could audition for something, they tried to talk to me out of it. My parents wants to have a career and say that I should be a teacher. I always thought of having a back up career, but I feel like me chasing my dreams is more important. I honestly don't know what to do, I'm pretty stuck on this situation considering that I really love and respect my parents. But I don't know why it's hard for them to let me be happy and chase my dreams after something I've been chasing for so long. I just auditioned for my school talent show and I recently made it in, I haven't told my parents yet. I know what I would be sacrificing choosing to be a singer. But, I can't help with my passion for singing and music.

-Confused.

Dear Confuse,


          Everyone at one point in their lives or another had dreams of superstardom. The thought of making good money doing what you love is a dream job that many have fantasize all their life. You have to have a combination of talents, looks, star quality, and incredible amount of luck. If you don't have that, than you have to have close connections or family in the industry. Ex:  Kate Hudson, Willow & Jaden Smith, Miley Cyrus, Angelina Jolie, Gwyneth Paltrow, Norah Jones, Robin Thicke, Enrique Iglesias..I can go on and on.

The reality is reaching that level of success is extremely difficult. I believe the statistic is 1 in 200,000. Look at American Idol. Every year, thousands of people come out believing they have what it takes to be the next Superstar. The show narrows it down to the top ten. Out of the top ten, most of these singers have been forgotten. All of these singers had the same passion for singing like you. What it comes down to is the music profession is a business. No matter what images you see on tv, and how much they glamorize the profession. You have to make someone money or you will not be profitable.  I am not saying for you to NOT "go for your dreams".  I am the biggest dreamer you will ever meet. What I am saying is for you to understand what it takes and where your parents are coming from.
They want you to have stability in your life.  To choose a career path that will stand the test of time. There are many aspect of this profession that many do not see, and it's not very pretty.

 At the end of the day, this is your life and once you turn eighteen, it is your decison to make.
I feel it is best to sit down with your parents and find a compromise. If it was my daughter, I would advise her to finish college before pursuing her dream. During college, she can minor in theater arts/music and hone her craft to be the best she can be.  After graduation, she has her back up career just in case her dreams of being a singer doesn't pan out.


Whatever the case, you need a backup plan. How about being a teacher and singing on weekends to fullfill your passion? If your dreams are of making it big, then look forward to a long road of hard work, dedication, and many rejections before you find success. Having the support of your parents will get you through the tough times.  Also make sure that you are doing all this for the right reasons. Not for the fame, fortune  and happiness you think it will bring you, but because you genuinely have a gift,talent, and passion to be share to the world.  Best of luck.

     

He loves me, He loves me not.

Dear Shayla,
     
          Is there any love after a year of knowing each other ?spend time together ? I really confused of my self if something wrong on me why the man i say is my boyfriend .. never claim me as his girlfriend or never say he love me or anything about our situation.  - Hurting

  Dear Hurting,


        If after a year and he doesn't  claim you as his girl or say the three magical words, then take it as he does not love you and you are not his girlfriend. When a man loves a woman, I believe they will stand on the highest mountain and shout it to the world. It's as simple as that.
He might only see you as a friends with benefit situation. There is nothing wrong with you. You just need to make it clear to him what you want. If he cannot give that to you, it's time to move on and not waste your time.

             

In Love with Married Man

Dear Shayla,

i just broken up with my ex bf for 5yrs.then I met a man who made me happy.im at first we met on online and said he was single.he lied..he is married. We are madly in love with each other.he told me that he will divorce his wife. I pressured him to divorce his wife. He said he is having a hard time because his wife doesnt want to divorce him.his wife only wants a higher alimony. Now i have not heard from him 2 weeks already.

-Worried

Dear Worried,

          This is what happens when you get involved with a married man.  He will lie to his wife to be with you so you should expect him to do the same thing to you. Him "telling" you that he will leave his wife is one thing, but him, not contacting you for two weeks proves another. LOOK AT HIS ACTIONS.   I understand you feel like you need an explanation or closure but the truth is that this relationship was built on lies.  I'm guessing that his wife found out about the relationship and gave him an ultimatum to cut all contact with you. If he really love you like you say, he would have left his wife by now. Take the no contact as a sign that he's picked his wife and want to end the affair.
Whatever the case, you need to forget about him and move on with your life.  Before you jump in another relationship take some time to think about why you are attracted to unavailable/married men.

Send In The Questions to "dearshayshay@gmail.com"

Hi!Thanks for stopping by.

       I created this blog because I wanted a place to get to know my fans and friends better. I've met so many people throughout my life and they have shared so many personal stories with me. I've been grateful to learn so much through them. 

    If you have any problems, questions or concerns about your life in general, don't be afraid to ask. Sometimes things are not clear when you are in the eye of the storm, but maybe if you get an answer from someone with a different perspective, you can see things more clearly and make better decisons.
 I am not a license professional. Just a person that has been through so much life experience and I would like to share my knowledge with you. So send in your questions. I can't guarantee I will answer and solve every problem, but I will do my best.
This is my way of giving back to all that you've given me.
Thank you. = )