Monday, January 10, 2011

Can we still be friends?

Dear Shayla

 After a pretty nasty break up with my boyfriend, we decided to talk. I want to stay together, but he wants to be just friends for right now. Is it possible to be just friends after a long term serious relationship? How do you just be friends? Im scared of us feeling too distant and finding interest in other people. What should I do to make sure we're still close, and rebuilding our relationship without crossing the line with him?

  Dear Just Friends,

           I have to be honest with you. I am a firm believer that once you break up, it's best to cut all ties. The reason for that is so you can heal and move on with your life. If he is the one initiating the break up then it's best for you to stay out of the picture. I feel it's not possible to be friends because he's going to move on with his life. Do you really want to stick around and see him kissing his new girlfriend? Telling you stories about who he's dating? That's what "friends" do and it's not possible for you to be that person for him right now. 
The reality is your relationship with him as a girlfriend is over. It's not what you wanted but it's something you have to accept. There will be distance and he'll will find interest in other people. That's life. 
Break ups are hard, but the hardest thing to do is to let go. It will take time, but being around in his life will only make the break up process longer and more painful and difficult. 
Take this time to reconnect with old friends and rediscover yourself. We all get scared to move on without our significant other. It's important to realize that you were fine before he came into your life, and you will be fine when he's out.